These are the two greatest strawman commandments
30 June 2007 - 15 תמוז 5767 by Huw
Text:
Thou shalt not have unauthorised1 sex2. This is the first and greatest commandment and the second is like unto it: Thou shalt not fraternise3 with the enemy4.
Midrash:
1 “Unauthorised” means by law of our religion. Generally it’s the conservative Christian uttering these commandments and generally he (and it’s generally a he) means gay sex. But sometimes he gets bent out of shape with the idea that someone, somewhere, might be having more fun than he - no matter what sort of fun that might be.
2 “Sex” is anything other than missionary-position between a dominant man and a subservient female for the purpose of procreation. Sex is bad. Proper procreation is a duty.
3 “Fraternise” is like sex, only no one is naked and, in most cases, pictures of the event are work-safe.
4 “Enemy” is relative: Turks if you are Greek; Communists if you are ROCOR or Joe McCarthy; Muslims if you are most USmericans; Israelis if you are Arab; Gays if you are Catholics; Liberals if you are Neo, Conservatives if you are Liberal, etc. Anytime you use an “Us” vrs “Them” taunt… when “them” is so mythical as to not be real at all…
I’ve noted, in the blogosphere, that many of the Frum Liberal sort adhere only to the second commandment - revising the first to mean sex is always good everywhere - while Frum Conservatives follow both. Both seem to ignore whole sets of commandments about self-control, or peace, or justice.
