Sarx

It’s been about a month now, that I’ve not be able to sleep. A number of things happen:

1) I wake up in the middle of the night due to a noise.
2) I wake up in the middle of the night due to a nightmare.
3) I wake up in the middle of the night because of too much light.
4) I wake up in the middle of the night convinced I’m late for work.

#4 is, as far as I know, pretty normal for me. It stopped last night, actually.
#3 was easily fixed once I recognised it: I simply hung heavier curtains.
#2 Has been harder to figure out: I’ve never really had them before for an extended period of time. These have involved people being killed, attacks, all kinds of icky things.
#1 Was easy: I got me some ear plugs.

But last night I figured out the entire pattern (on top of the stress of moving and looking for work). For 3.5 years I’ve been sleeping on another schedule. Work, in my brain, means being awake at 3 AM. In fact, as I realised today, “work” often meant covering for my coworkers while they slept. Some would ask if I minded them taking a nap. Others just passed out at their desk. And me, Mr Responsible, kept things going at night. So the whole “sleep” thing, at night, is totally contraindicated when there is “work” in the picture.

On top of all that, there’s been a case of hyper: I’m love meeting people (as I do at work) and that leaves me “on stage” a lot. It takes hours to come down. Last night I upped my nightly dose of melatonin and forced myself to pray compline (despite my racing brain). And as work begins to settle in, it’s no longer “cool and new” but rather “Work” – even though it’s still fun.

I hope to be able to sleep tonight: I’m going to add 15 mins of silence.

Also, tomorrow, I’m going to take the bus to work – a three fold purpose here. A) I get more reading time. I’ve missed that since *before* I moved to Asheville: I’ve not had a bus to ride to work since fall of 2002. B) One thing that has been feeding my worries is the price of gas. As of the last month or so, the $55 monthly bus pass is less than the 2 tanks of gas to go to work (etc) every month. I’d rather take the Bus every day – and thus save enough money to Drive to Canada. C) Another thing feeding my worries is the fact that the car is rather old. I don’t need to break her!

Short-term goals: return to meditative calm. Relax more. Eliminate worries.