Sarx

Dearest Friend,

You have been in my life since April of 2005. You have been a constant companion, living with me in Asheville during times of struggle and joy. You have set on my lap or on my desk. You watched me fall asleep in front of the TV – even when you were the TV. You helped me show the joys of thinking differently to Todd, to Fr J, and to everyone at Swain. Following me experience with iTunes & the iPod, you were the first Mac I purchased.

Even that very first day – reformatting my iPod to go with you instead of with M$windoze – you showed me how much joy would be mine: the iPod loaded over firewire at about 16 billion times the speed of the process via USB using windows. I named you bBook, to go with bPod. Both b’s, of course, standing for Bunny. My then-lover, Mr Wolf, had named the bPod, and you fit “bBook” very well: both so terribly cute.

Over the last four years you’ve helped me learn how to format graphics, how to design colour palates, how to network, share out inet connexions, and, perhaps most enjoyably, how to look really cool in coffee shops. In short, you have been the understanding friend you promised to be in all those commercials whiles still being slightly cool and aloof: like that Jake in 16 Candles. You mean, he really likes me?

Machine Name: iBook G4
Machine Model: PowerBook6,5
CPU Type: PowerPC G4 (1.2)
Number Of CPUs: 1
CPU Speed: 1.2 GHz
L2 Cache (per CPU): 512 KB
Memory: 768 MB
Bus Speed: 133 MHz
Boot ROM Version: 4.8.7f1

If it hadn’t been for you, I’d never had had that very first conversation with Brodie when he asked me, “What computer do you use?” And I said, “Mac.” And he said, “ie: Gay.” I love you, truly.

But, now… I have to tell you, Dearest bBook: very soon (on the 14th, according to FedEx) the stork is going to be bringing you a big brother or big sister. I don’t know yet what s/he is, but I’m certain it’s going to be bigger, faster and stronger than you. In fact, I’m sure the new machine has enough computing power to suck dry the servers of several small TPLAC*s and North Korea as well.

Machine Name: wMac
Model: Refurbished 20-inch iMac
Processor: 2.4GHz Intel Core 2 Duo
L2 Cache: 6MB Shared
System bus: 1066MHz
Memory: 1GB (one 1GB SO-DIMM) of 800MHz DDR2 SDRAM; supports up to 4GB
Hard drive: 250GB Serial ATA; 7200 rpm

But, s/he’s going to be hella big, sitting there on my desk. She won’t be moving – rather sedentary. That’s why the name is wMac: where you’re a bunny that hops around, this new machine is certainly a full-grown wabbit that won’t travel well. So you don’t need to worry: you’ll be the computer that travels to Canada with me, you’ll be coming to Asheville later this month. I’ll still need you at the coffee shop, and I’ll need you when I connect to Skype in order to convene a virtual synod. In fact, after I clean off your 50 or so gigs of data and transfer all the good stuff over to the new machine, you’ll be getting an upgrade yourself, to Leopard! You’ll be faster, stronger and lighter: able to lick a few TPLACs of your own! And, a key difference: I can’t hold the new machine on my lap, falling asleep to MASH in my bed. Until someone buys me one of these, you’ll still be that machine for me. (And, anyway, for a few days, until her additional RAM arrives, she’s going to have the computing power of a full shortbus.)

All in all this is a good thing, I think: for you and for me. We’ve grown well together and now our relationship is transitioning into a new and better place. We’ll be able to do all the things we used to – and well be able to be poly-Macorous, a triad of computing. The new machine will never take your place, and our relationship will be better than ever.

xoxoxoxox

Huw