At the same time, I was wrestling with the vocational discernment team at St Gregory of Nyssa Parish. Was I called to the priesthood? I’ve also compared this to group therapy: once or twice a month, 15 people sitting in a circle, discussing things that need to change in order to let one finish. Except where CIIS was group therapy, the Discernment Team felt like working with 15 therapists.

These two therapeutic processes played out in a complex way on my own internal dialogue which was, at the time, covering a number of mid-life issues. (I was 36 in 2000.) It felt like my life was looping itself (like it does today, to be honest). Somehow I had been dealing with the same set of questions since moving to SF in 1997 and it was all coming to a head. What was a relationship? What was GOd? What was I doing in Church? What was I doing in bars? What was I doing in bed? What was I doing at the altar? What was love? Why did men constantly treat me like a cute, huggable (but not dateable/marriageable) Teddy Bear? Why was I about as rootless as I could be?

The month I first moved to SF, I met a man in a bar. For the next 5 years we flirted off and on as he moved to Sacramento and then Seattle. Then we forgot about each other. We met, again, in December of 2002 – just as I was planning to move to Asheville, NC. Things continued to evolve and soon my own desire to leave SF was struggling with my desire to stay with RJ. My issues with theology and sex were coming up more and more and it was harder to deal with any of them.

While becoming Orthodox was, I still believe, the right thing, nearly all the rest of the decisions made in those succeeding months were based on my own unwillingness to communicate in-person with anyone. Writing was about the only method I had, but my blog had no audience – certainly not the people to whom I needed to talk.

Follow this: I needed to have several serious conversations over the course of two years, with my discernment team, my college classes, my partner, my confessor. But I was afraid to talk to them. So I used my website, my blog to vent. For example: for a while I had a “book blog” where I posted as-it-happened reactions to the books we were reading in class. These were filled with all the usual liberal arguments, all the usual clap trap about peace with no Jesus, love with no sin and sin with no guilt, so I vented a lot. At the same time my reaction to things in my parish community were much the same. But ididnt tell anyone. I was afraid they wouldn’t let me be a priest. But after converting to Orthodoxy – in a parish with several gay couples – I was, myself, continuing to struggle with the difference between things as they were and “things as they should be” in my head. Dating a man – then living with a man in my own apartment on Minna Street, wanting to leave, wanting to stay, wanting to have to stop wanting. I kept writing about the people I should be talking to… And got an audience of people that were also venting about the same people.

A curious transubstantiation took place.

The more I said the things my audience wanted to hear the more applause I got. The more applause I got the more I wanted to say those things. And wanting to say those things is the same as believing them. Life soon follows wanting. My own sense of self was changing. I wasn’t a conservative but I played on on the Internet.

This is the mindset (in hindsight) of the person who wrote “I was in Hell” whilst living in a passive agressive argument with his soon to be ex-lover in SF. (Please read all the follow-up posts and comments over there.) I earned $200 for this piece of writing, the only piece of my prose ever to get published-for-pay.

It’s interesting to note: “I was in Hell” blames everyone else for the choices and struggles I was making. That’s not very Orthodox. Not at all. But Frederica Matthewes Green called it one of the best examples of Orthodox Spiritual Writing she’d ever seen. Get that? It’s all your fault… But when I later discovered that it was my fault that I’m a self-centered ass… and that you are Christ, even if you’re dancing naked in a gay pride parade… she said my metaphor was weak. No one liked this article as much. Not at all.

So there I learned, right there. My crowd didn’t want to pay for me to be a sinner. They just wanted to pay for me to blame everyone else because it supported not their religion but rather their politics.

And, ironically, that was the beginning of my coming out.

My conversion was real. I’m still wrestling with that. But my conservatism was not. The slow, dawning realization that Red Staters had hijacked my Chrismation Process for their own purposes was a bit painful. What was real, what was not? What was chrismation? What was conversion? What was important? Questions are more important than answers, I think. I’ve been blogging my way through that since 2005.

Russian Orthodox Church embraces gays.

“IS OUTRAGE!” says Fr Vasili, I’m sure: not lamenting the sudden embrace, but rather the misleading headline. Be sure to read the AP story: essentially gay is still bad, but we oppose persecution of gays. This is a huge step in the right direction for a church that was totally silent whilst people with icons in Moscow spat on and kicked gay people in the streets a couple of years ago. This is a huge step in a world-wide denomination that has been totally silent in Uganda where the local hierarchy is either being misrepresented in the press or else supporting the anti0gay law that even forbids counselling gay people in Church.

But the Russian statement – still a huge step – isn’t all that: the UK’s “Pink News” provides a bit of historical context that puts the lie to His Holiness’ statement that “we have repeatedly spoken out against discriminating people for their nontraditional sexual orientation…”

Head of Russian Orthodox Church condemns discrimination against gays.

But it is the interfax article from Russia that presents the fullest version of the Patriarch’s recent statement on the topic.

Patriarch Kirill believes same sex relationship sinful, but speaks against antigay repressions.

“We accept any choice a persons makes, including in the field of sexual orientation. It’s a personal choice. However, it doesn’t change our position on the phenomenon,” the Patriarch said at his meeting with General Secretary of the Council of Europe in the Cathedral of Christ the Savior in Moscow.

Patriarch Kirill reminded, “religious traditions of all nations confirm that homosexuality is a sin as well moral disorientation of a person.”

However, a person with homosexual inclinations “shouldn’t be punished, that’s why we’ve always spoken against any repressions and discrimination of people with different sexual orientation.”

“Considering homosexuality a sin, we are categorically against equaling homosexual relations to natural,” the Patriarch further said.

Hedging His Holiness’ bets a lot there… but “Shouldn’t be punished” is pretty clear, Uganda. Of course the Ugandan church is not a Russian plant.

Here is the website of the movement, Community. They also have a Facebook group.

All these resources are in Finnish (note to self, time to learn Suomi?) but the Brotherhood of St Kosmas has unwittingly done a pro-gay favour in translating many documents into English. Perhaps they wish to enlist (like the Anglicans in Africa) the help of conservative Americans and the IRD.

As I noted earlier – the Brotherhood, like Orthodox COnservatives in England – seems actually to be some kind of Pro-Kremlin (and/or Proto-Tsarist) political movement, siding with Russia against “the west”. The theo-fascists in the IRD should both love and hate that…

The Brotherhood provided two very good English documents for us:

The Community Declaration and a side statement from Orthodox members of same organisation. Both are included below…

The Declaration from Yhteys-liike

COMMUNITY is an open forum for all the members of Christian churches and communities, who believe that the gospel of Jesus Christ also embraces sexual and gender minorities, such as gays, lesbians and bisexuals, as well as trans-gender individuals as full-standing people and Christians. They have the right to participate as themselves in the life and management of Christian parishes.

WE ARE a group of Christians, individuals with a variety of backgrounds, who work to materialize the above-mentioned right in practice. We invite new members to look for ever-deepening concept on community and courage to work for our goal.

AS PEOPLE committed to Community, we are active members of our Christian churches and communities, both office-holders and lay people. In our work related to pastoral care, education and administration, as well as in the everyday life of Christian parishes, we have faced the often painful reality of the lives of people who belong to sexual and gender minorities.

WE CALL TO Community people in Christian churches and communities ready to serve as friends, pastoral caregivers and supporters of those who belong to sexual and gender minorities in various parts of our country.

WE ALSO LOOK for people, who want to promote the debate on the rights of those in sexual and gender minorities both in Christian churches and communities and society on the whole. We try to make sure that no-one will be left alone in his/her internal struggle or under pressure of public attacks and prejudices. Silence and lies are a destructive burden for all those involved. We want to create in our Christian communities an atmosphere, in which it is possible to be hones and to live according to one’s conscience, with no need to fear that one is rejected or insulted for it.

AS CHRISTIANS, WE are bound by responsibility, respect, confidence and reciprocal commitment in inter-personal relations, including sexuality. The Bible doesn’t contain any part, which would condemn a faithful marital relationship based on respect and commitment between people of the same sex. The parts in the Bible interpreted in this way are chiefly related to rejection of sexual abuse and irresponsibility. We know that the Bible is interpreted in light of various traditions and with a variety of emphases. At the same time, we have confidence that open debate and new research can help us to get out of old and biased interpretations based on a fear of deviation. Many questions are difficult and answers are still open. However, we have confidence that, in accordance to the promise given by Jesus, the Holy Spirit will guide us towards the truth.

COMMUNITY REQUIRES that the principles and practices, which constantly cause anxiety among the people who belong to sexual and gender minorities and function in Christian churches and communities, should be re-evaluated. Those complicate the lives of these people as Christians and may also restrict their participation in the sacraments of the church. Moreover, valuable work of many employees is lost.

IN CHRISTIAN FAITH, the most crucial thing is God’s mercy, granted in Jesus Christ. This gospel of forgiveness and conciliation calls from isolation into community and from alienation into mutual confidence between Christians with different sexual orientations. The gospel provides the back-ground for reciprocal respect and cooperation both in office and the life of Christian communities in general.

At the moment, we are especially concerned about the fact that employees, elected officials and other people bearing a responsibility in the parishes, who belong to sexual and gender minorities often cannot but keep silent about their sexual orientation or resign from their work and even their entire Christian community.

Homosexual employees who live in stabilized and committed same-sex unions also give Christian churches and parishes an opportunity to provide positive examples for their members, who belong to sexual minorities. This would strengthen the right of everyone to have sacraments, pastoral care and Christian unity.

Subsequent Statement from Orthodox members of the movement, “Community”

We, the undersigned members of the Orthodox Church are involved in the movement Community, because we believe that it promotes the ethical teaching of gospel. Christ accepted all kinds of people in his company. He set as examples people, who were despised, rejected and held in contempt. The Kingdom of God calls for integrity and penance. Integrity is a fruit of love, which teaches us to respect all people. Christ forbids us to condemn each other.

Sexuality doesn’t determine the whole of a person. Homosexuality is an innate tendency, not a choice. We hope that the Orthodox who belong to sexual minorities will find their spiritual home in their own parish and that they will be able to participate in the divine services, prayers and sacraments of the church in full.

The teaching of the church about sexuality, family and the equality of man and woman meets various challenges, in which homosexuality is only one. In our opinion, homosexuality is, above all, a pastoral question, not a dogmatic one. We work for the values of the movement Community within the framework of the sacred tradition and canonical tradition of our church. We are not bringing new practices into the life of the church, nor are we draw parallels between matrimony and same-sex unions.

On the basis of the Orthodox view on people, we consider that all kinds of discrimination are a sin. We hope that an open and objective discussion on issues related to sexuality will promote tolerance and love for one’s neighbour in our church.

Copyright Information:

This text is free to be distributed in any form, unless commercially sold. Publisher’s name Pyhän Kosmas Aitolialaisen Veljestö, or any of its translations (for example “The Brotherhood of Saint Kosmas of Aitolia”), or the publisher’s official main internet site address http://www.kosmas.fi should be mentioned, when using parts which are not directly and obviously taken from other, primary sources. Also, the Publisher’s name of the compilation should be mentioned if using citations of this compilation that are translated from Finnish to English. All other rights are reserved by the Publisher, unless permitted in writing by authorized representatives of Pyhän Kosmas Aitolialaisen Veljestö ry, Joensuu, Finland.

UPDATE (1): Fr Peter responds in grace and love and keeping to the traditional teachings of his church. Amen!

Update (2) Rick Warren does the right thing

UPDATE (3) Rod’s on board.

Update (4) The Vatican Chimes in today as well.

They all hedge their bets but that’s ok: I didn’t expect *anyone* to say “Gay is Good”. I just don’t want gays dead… and I don’t want to feel that giving my money to the local Greek church or Agnlican congregation (or Rick Warren book purchase) will, ultimately, support the holocaust against gays in Africa.

With brothers and sisters like this, I feel safe in God’s house – even if we disagree.

1) I do, really, believe there is a right way to do CHristianity and a wrong way to do it.

2) I do, really, believe that this right and wrong has little to do with “doctrine” per se (iota sized technicalities about begetting and essence and accident and que) and much to do with practice (do justice, love mercy, pray for enemies, forgive, etc).

3) I do, really, believe that Christianity is judgmental in the first-person only. I am the only sinner I’ll ever know, all others are to be Christ to me.

4) I do, really, believe that Christianity is communal. None of the above is possible without a community: iron sharpens iron, rocks tumble in the river, sharpened edges grind down and we are saved together or not at all.

5) I do, really, believe that “saved” has to do with all of the above. “Heaven” or “Afterlife” or “Pie in the Sky” is unimportant in this equation: if you think there is a “Heaven” why not make that lifestyle present here, now, always. If it’s around in the sky, that’s just a cool bonus.

6) I do, really, believe that right worship is found in a community that is “doing it right” and – at the same time – Traditional, “high church”, etc. Montesorri Grade School silliness is not church, not worship: it is me-oriented, not God-oriented. It prevents “Doing it right” because being me-oriented in worship results in being me-oriented in the world. Being God-oriented in worship results in being God-oriented (ie, my neighbour) in the world.

Finally, because of Number 6, my experience is that numbers one through five need the traditional God-doctrines of Christianity to work. Trinity, Church and Eucharist are the only ways this unity-in-diversity works at all. THerefore,

7) I do, really, believe that persons who (without the above in mind) can be called doctrinally devout Christians have come to differing conclusions on the issue of human sexuality. My experience has been that persons who agree Trinity, Church and Eucharist can (with the above in mind) actually worship together in peace.

I do, really, believe that’s the Kingdom of God on earth, taking over the world, destroying the systems of evil that man puts up and replacing it with Love.

Having said all that… news that the State-Ratified Gay Genocide Bill to Be Enforced in Orthodox Churches, Warns Archbishop Jonah of Kampala and All Uganda (Catholic and Anglican Leaders Threaten Likewise) coupled with the near total silence of global religious leaders (Canterbury, the Pope, Constantinople, Russia, and almost all American preachers and Denominational leaders across the spectrum) makes me wonder why the hell Jesus ever bothered to care about us at all and makes me wonder why the hell I should bother because it is clear that the man failed.

If this doesn’t make you know the Church is not infallible, nothing will. (And those of you who want to quibble about doctrine can go stuff it. Siding with the state – or anyone – in hate and genocide is not time for playing that “when she’s wrong, she’s not the Church” shell game.)

ECUSA elected a Gay Bishop last weekend, btw, and all those who are silent about hate launched into some SERIOUS hate very quickly about that…

UPDATE: Fr Peter responds in grace and love and keeping to the traditional teachings of his church. Amen!

Update (2) Rick Warren does the right thing

UPDATE (3) Rod’s on board.

Update (4) The Vatican Chimes in today as well. They hedge their bets but that’s ok: I didn’t expect *anyone* to say “Gay is Good”. I just don’t want gays dead… and I don’t want to feel that giving my money to the local Greek church or Agnlican congregation (or Rick Warren book purchase) will, ultimately, support the holocaust against gays in Africa.

It is a huge historical irony that this should come on the same day that the Roman church has succeeded in forcing her limited and archaic view of marriage on the people of Maine.

What we are seeing – in both cases, I think – is the most recent events in the on-going and inevitable betrayal of the Church by the state in a bargain she struck with the devil in 323 AD. Since that time the church has tried to kow-tow to Caesar in various ways. Every time the state runs afoul of ecclesial teachings the church cries out in anguish because she realises her new master is far more fickle than the God she used to trust.

In a sense, for much of European history, the church functioned exactly as the official churches did in the Soviet Union: serving as sort of a morality police where morality is equated with subservience to the state. Since the invention of guns and the panopticon of the Internet, Europe no longer needs the chains of hell and damnation to hold its peoples enslaved. The church, serving no purpose, has nothing to offer the state except claims of history. Every time Cardinal Bertone complains about some encroachment against the church, he effectively sings, “You don’t bring me flowers anymore”.

Likewise in Usonia, every time some jurisdiction runs afoul of the church she – the church – is forced to spend huge sums of money from her coffers to bandage up the loss. In the past no civil jurisdiction would dare cross the moral lines drawn by the Church. Today, most people are happier without such limits so the state does what it can until the church finds the need to throw her minions and her millions in the ecclesial equivalent of a hissy fit.

The state sees the institutional church for what she is: a useless moral agency that is no longer of service. As far as the state is concerned, the church sits on valuable lands, holding valuable art, occupying time and tax base. The hissy fits of the church become weaker and weaker in their effectiveness against the state (see abortion & divorce, intermarriage, child support…).

Another line of Cardinal Bertone’s song is important, now: Now, after loving me last night, it was good for you babe, and you’re feeling all right, but you just roll over and turn out the light… and echoes other, much older lines.

Plead with your mother, plead — for she is not my wife, and I am not her husband— that she put away her whoring from her face, and her adultery from between her breasts, or I will strip her naked and expose her as in the day she was born, and make her like a wilderness, and turn her into a parched land, and kill her with thirst. Upon her children also I will have no pity, because they are children of whoredom. For their mother has played the whore; she who conceived them has acted shamefully. For she said, “I will go after my lovers; they give me my bread and my water, my wool and my flax, my oil and my drink.” Therefore I will hedge up her way with thorns; and I will build a wall against her, so that she cannot find her paths. She shall pursue her lovers, but not overtake them; and she shall seek them, but shall not find them. Then she shall say, “I will go and return to my first husband, for it was better with me then than now.” She did not know that it was I who gave her the grain, the wine, and the oil, and who lavished upon her silver and gold that they used for Baal. Therefore I will take back my grain in its time, and my wine in its season; and I will take away my wool and my flax, which were to cover her nakedness. Now I will uncover her shame in the sight of her lovers, and no one shall rescue her out of my hand. I will put an end to all her mirth, her festivals, her new moons, her sabbaths, and all her appointed festivals. I will lay waste her vines and her fig trees, of which she said, “These are my pay, which my lovers have given me.” I will make them a forest, and the wild animals shall devour them. I will punish her for the festival days of the Baals, when she offered incense to them and decked herself with her ring and jewelry, and went after her lovers, and forgot me, says the Lord.
- Hosea 2:2-13

We see the same thing over and over again in Church history: a viable movement of the spirit gets swallowed whole by the state, co-opted… most often by offers of “we’ll use our laws to make people act as you wish them to act…” And the church begins to treat that legal conformity as her right. It is, rather, her privileged for the state could just as easily placed another religion on the pedestal if that other path had the majority. The ottomans did it with Islam. The Tibetans with Buddhism. The English did it with Anglicanism and the Germans with Lutheranism (until they decided to use Nazism). Wherever the church has slept with Caesar, she has become as powerful as the whore she is.

We are seeing the death-throes of the Church State marriage in Europe. It won’t be pretty: but it may be for the better health of the church. The Day Italy takes back the independent country sitting on the heart of Rome and makes the Pope a citizen of the Italian Republic will be a day of liberation for Christians everywhere. In Usonia, we probably have a couple more decades, at least. But liberation will come here, too. One day the idea of “Tax exemption” will be as archaic as “State church”.

And we will thank God for it.

One wonders why Americans (and the rest of the world) are still so fascinated by democracy. Freedom, I can understand, liberty, equality, etc. But tyranny of the majority over the minority still fails to be self-evidently good. The lesson learned here – like in California – is that depending on others to grant you a freedom is always stupid. Group-think is, by its nature, conservative, slow, plodding. It is not challenged, but rather comforted by messages of “keep things the same as they were…” The primate mind (and humans are simply domesticated primates, remember) is threatened by change and difference. What we see in Maine is simple evidence for human evolution: we are no further along than the apes.

Again, stop depending on others to give you rights. No group in USonia has ever won any right at all by simple majority voting of others. Every right granted to non-male, non-white, non-heterosexual, non-free, non-adult persons in this country has been granted by court order or legislature.

But in this Christian context, I’m struggling to guess what is the hard thing: avoiding animal products? Vegans do that all the time in the name of their political correctness. ER Christians only need do it 50% of the time – and that only with the blessing of their Spiritual Father. It’s nowhere near as legalistic as keeping Kosher or vegan! And while some (ok, me) might wrestle with what’s seen as archaic ideas of human sexuality, even there there are clergy who speak with compassion and inclusivity. What’s hard about this?

It seems that, overall, in this modern world – Israel or the States – the simple truth is that “hard” means “asking something of me.” If you ask something of me other than passive presence – ie, sitting in a pew once a week to sing some “praise and worship” tunes – you’re being too hard on me.

Sarke says,

It seems that you view my lifestyle as a battle of the Him (God / Law) or the Them (Society / Rules) vs. the I (My Needs and Wants.) But I view it more as a choice of We (family, community, spirituality) over Me Me Me.

I think another word for this idea of “repression” might be “accountability”. The real issue is that no one wants to be accountable for their little indiscretions (or big ones, for that matter). The problem is not “gay” or living in a relationship that falls outside of the accepted norms of a given religious community. The problem is on being willing to accept the norms of *any* community because to do so would be “repression”.

Sarke says her buddy Earl must have some rules to live by or he wouldn’t be as successful as he is. We all pick up our rules – we all have them. She’s right, of course. The ironical mirror image is seen when someone raises the un-PC question at a political meeting. “Why should we protest in front of a church?” And the answer is “Shut up, you’re not being gay enough!” (Been there… been that voice. The Gay Rights movement sometimes can’t even tell the difference between homophobia and and liberal religion if the latter uses the wrong words. I once had to defend a church in Greenwich Village for using Mark 1:3 on their reader board in Advent.)

The issue is accountability – to a community, a leader, a tradition. Even if we think otherwise, we all choose the community to whom we wish to be accountable. At a certain age, even the most Uber-Pious member of any community (Orthodox, Pro-Choice, Gay, Pro- or Anti-Gun Control, what ever) makes a choice to stay there or leave. The real question is about the value of the communities in which we stay. Some communities offer nest to nothing in exchange for our loyalty. Some offer rather a bit more – but require more than simply loyalty: they ask for a omni-directional accountability. Requiring hard things of people is overall a good policy.

I agree 100% with Sarke’s conclusion:

The perks: You are never alone; there are people looking out for you; you are part of something; you are consistently loved and asked to keep yourself open, consistently giving love; you are responsible for enriching your community; you must be disciplined and hold yourself to real, firm standards because there are eyes and ears (Divine and otherwise) everywhere. The downside: Same.

(PS: Referral logs between WordPress blogs being what they are… persons from Jewlicious are welcome to correct me if I’ve crossed any line!)

During that time, I had a discussion on a blog… don’t remember where. I know there was a lot of converts and college students. Wherever you have the latter you’ll get a very wide spectrum. There was a gay person there, a gay political activist student person who struck me as very young. His beef with me was, having decided to live celebrate, I was “in the closet” and therefore the evil enemy – and oppressed at the same time. I was to be pitied and feared all at once. And no conversation with this person was possible without his pop-psychoanalysis of my “problems” being offered.

Those of you who were reading me at that time will find “in the closet” hard to believe: I was as “out” then as I am now. But I’d chosen not to act on my sexual urges in a way that we’ll call “Genitally Active”. Since running sexually amuck in the gay community was not the right answer for me, I opted to try finding a different way to express my sexual energy, instead. Sublimation is the psychological term here. I’d allow for “delayed gratification” as well, if you wanted to focus on “suffer now, be blessed in eternity”. But that wasn’t my own goal. Even today, in my relationship with Brodie, I can see the damage I did to myself in those “sexually run amuck” days. I still say that turning off everything for five years or so was probably the healthiest choice I made.

The key point: it was my choice. I chose to become Orthodox and, I was aware what the tradition expected of me. Unlike many persons raised in American religion, I knew that the only options were not legalism vrs libertinism. But most Americans seemingly can only understand that duality. Either you can do what you want when you want or you have to follow some rules. It’s not possible, in this mindset, to follow some-but-not-all rules and do some-but-not-all of what you want without causing damage either to yourself or the path you say you follow. Perfectly non-religious persons unschooled in theology or history will tell you point blank, you can’t be gay and Christian. They will also tell you you can’t be celibate and healthy.

Three weeks ago there was this interesting discussion on BoingBoing: Are Muslim Women Oppressed? Ask One.

As of this writing there are 380 comments. The last one is as typical of the conversation as any other one. The comment writers are terrified of the idea that someone could decide to follow a rule that say “no”. They’re ok with “spirituality” but any implication that there is something to do… something that goes against cultural values like nudity and sexuality… or the idea that these ideas might be passed on to children… just scares the living daylights out of ‘em all. Perfectly non-religious persons unschooled in theology or history will tell you point blank, you can’t be a woman and Muslim. They will also tell you you can’t be veiled and healthy.

In a phone chat with a friend last night we touched on the same issue. She is engaged in vocational discernment and her friends are telling her to do “What makes her happy” whilst she is insisting that her family obligations prevent her, at this time, from simply running away to engage in scholarly study. Her friends are horrified that she would say “no, I have a duty to XYZ before I can do this other thing.”

I share that to indicate it’s not just the non-religious who don’t get it. Pious and religious persons schooled in theology and history will tell you point blank, you can’t be dutiful and happy. I’ve run into these folks amid the uberfrum, I’ll admit: they think it their duty to be unhappy. Smiles and piety don’t mix for these folks, regardless of what Jesus said on that mountainside. But I’ve also seen this attitude from the mezzo-frum and the under-frum as well as the only-frum on Christmas & Easter crowds. Something about our American mindset says you can only be one or the other… legalism or libertinism. For what it’s worth I’ve found this in Canadians as well.

This was a discussion I had when I left ECUSA for orthodoxy: a river, without banks, doesn’t flow: it meanders into marshes and dies. I was told, point blank, that such a marshy swampy river is still a river. So, OK, I’ll revert to a metaphor I learned in paganism: you can’t boil water without a pot… and a lid helps as well. We need to confine things to raise power. How many people do you know who are scattered all over the spectrum and never seem to get anything done? It’s the folks who don’t dissipate their energy that do things. Focus. Make a choice to withdraw from some areas so that other areas may prosper more fully. No first-year business man can open seven businesses all at once. College students who pick multiple majors and never settle on one choice fail.

This is the problem with anti-gay rants in the Church: not the teaching of traditional sexuality. But rather those folks who act as if gay is the only sin left are the mirror image (in the sense of legalism vs libertinism) of those who are “gay affirming” with no questions asked. The traditional teaching that marriage is a monastery, a laboratory for salvation can, in fact, be as true in a same-sex marriage as in any other relationship. It needn’t be all drugs and circuit parties! In fact, most same-sex unions I know are as boring, as sexual, as bickerful, as simple as most heterosexual unions. What breaks down for people today is that’s the way it’s supposed to be. They go “looking for themselves” as if they could exist at all alone.

Responsibility, self-limiting choices, delayed gratification, postponed joy… these are the stuff of maturity.

To flee them is simply immaturity raising its ugly head. To flee them in the name of ego, self and “spirituality not religion” is sheer stupidity for it will mean the dissipation of self, ego and spirit. Eventually, lack of responsibility and self-imposed limits will lead to death.

Escaping from the choice between legalism and libertinism is, ironically, the purpose of fasting seasons, the Wednesday/Friday fast, the abstinence from feasting and the return to feasting. When you treat these things as “rules” you destroy them. When you treat them as spiritual tools designed for your salvation…

My favourite Father Victor story gets told one more time. Confused by the Advent Fasting calendar (fish some days, but not others, etc) I asked him what was up. He showed me a calendar with different colours on different days. And, flipping back and forth through the pages he said, “This is for monks… You…” (He knew that I was a writer) he said, “You, does reading the newspaper make you angry?” Yes, Father. “STOP READING THE NEWSPAPER!” He yelled. OK… “That is your Advent fast”.

If you take the fasts or other mysteries as legal requirements, (How often do you go to confession?) you’ll not find in them the grace you need. They are tools, choices to make – self-limiting, healthy and joy-delaying choices – for your own salvation. Like the pruning of a rose, they lead to better, bigger, healthier blooms. Like the banks of a river they lead to faster-flowing, cleaner water. Like the sides and top of a pot, they hold the heat in and make for a rapid boil.

I left my time in “canonical” Orthodoxy, but I’ve not left behind the tools I learned. And I pass them along to any child I meet.

I’m not worried about “destroying their minds”. THe culture has it’s preachers on every corner, on every television and radio and all over the internet. This fear of teaching religion to children is a fear of the power of the secular message. If one’s exposure to religion can destroy it despite all its “logic” and “scientific evidence” then is very weak indeed. Truth is always more attractive.

“I’m also trying to find a reason to believe that our actions this past week of General Convention will do anything to help the Communion to not disintegrate even more. As one gay priest, and with many I know, we are not feeling all that good about what we have done. That will be quite perplexing to some straight activist types, but give ear to our voice anyway.

Do we only care about Ubuntu among our own or honestly among all? It means that I do not always get my way. In not seriously considering the well being of ‘the least of these,’ our GLBT sisters and brothers on the ground in places where they face real violence and imprisonment every day of their existence, we do them a great disservice. “

BRAVO! He’s noting that if American actions in ECUSA destroy the liberal voice in the Anglican Communion (by causing schism) then the gays and lesbians in parts of the communion (especially Africa) will suffer greatly. Thus, in demanding “OUR RIGHTS, DAMN IT” at all costs, Americans, once again, will destroy others. This thing they’ve done put’s the lie to their PB’s speech on “ubuntu”. It’s all just window finery.

While it’s easy to pin this on ECUSA, I think it is Americans that have no idea how to be Christians, how to wait for the weakest, how to hold off on “my good” so that you can have your good as well. Counter the Buddhist Bodhisattvah idea that Jesus uses where the strongest does not go forward without bringing all the weakest along is the American Heresy of Individual Salvation (we invented it here): God and Me and to Hell with Thee.

Increasingly this seems an issue of our desire for instant gratification. We’ve confused salvation (an idea that takes this life time and the next to achieve in the mind of God, moving from glory to glory in communion to deeper communion) with that silly American idea of “once saved always safe.” We keep looking for the right “sinners prayer” to say and fix everything – economic stimulus, women’s rights, gay rights, drugs, sex, iPhones, free internet for everyone, pulling out of Iraq. Whatever it is this week that we must have. Liberation is good but the idea that it might “fix” us once and for all is silly.

The only thing that will fix us, America, is not more rights or liberation, but rather humility, poverty, death and repentance. We need to give up our idea of private and rights and wealth and “the American Dream” – or else find a way to keep these ideas from polluting our spirits. Getting right with God is going to take a change on the cultural level.

(Religion Geekery points for knowing the reason behind the title of the post, “Grummet” is the German word for “Aftermath”.)